For those of you new to the BDSM landscape, I’ll tell you what it isn’t. It’s not a bunch of sick, deprived people beating each other up for gratification. It’s also not sex. BDSM is based on power dynamics.
BDSM began in military culture and favors a strict protocol of how people interact with each other. The B stands for bondage, The D for Dominance and submission The S stands for Sadism The M stands for masochism.
This is a loose outline of the dynamic, but what it means is that people who are into BDSM are neurologically wired to be turned on and experience sexual pleasure from these activities.
Mistress Tara Indiana states that, “BDSM is about people’s fears and traumas, and how they face and work through them.” I bring up this example because in a class with her, I asked why, when I mentioned on my website that I did not welcome racial fetishists or race play, my initial level of inquiries went down on Eros.
The following month, the level of inquiries diminished. I was also getting a lot of rural mid-western gentleman reaching out to me. Why then, did it happen? Because of so many dynamics ingrained in the American psyche specifically regarding race that no one openly talks about but most likely browse through on their internet late at night.
When I mentioned that I did not want race to become the reason why I was booked, Mistress Tara Indiana said that, “It’s not your job to take that on, but keep an open mind.” She then proceeded to go through other examples and patterns she’d noticed throughout her many years of domination, and I began to see that yes, BDSM IS about working through and facing your traumas and fears.
What I’ve seen from my experience, and this is something that I learned when I first studied domination in Mistress Malissia’s Doninatrix Academy, is that BDSM is about stepping into your subconscious and bringing those things that have been screaming for the light out of the darkness.
It’s fun, scary, exhilarating, enchanting, wicked, cathartic and raw. And because of this, I believe that if you are wired this way, you have a right to enjoy the journey of facing your inner darkness and to relish the pain and pleasure that it brings.